A blog from the heart

First of all let me say this. I am so very blessed that God has allowed us to be parents again. I think often of those who struggle with infertility and feel as if I should keep my problems to myself and be thankful just to be pregnant. I am thankful that I have had a non-eventful pregnancy thus far.... I have a lot of energy ( MOST of the time ), no sickness and minimal back aches. Today, at my 4-D appointment, I got a little taste of heartbreak. I felt so hesitant to share this personal info, but I have written this blog for over 5 years now and it wouldn't be fair to not be completely honest with Barrett's story. You see, after I finish writing about my pregnancy, I plan on turning my blog into a book for Barrett just as I did for Blakely. It's a nice touch on the coffee table and I hope that it is something that my children will treasure. I don't always feel up to blogging, but I know it is worth it in the long run. My problem might sound minor to some, but to me, the lack of control is a struggle. At 17 weeks, I was diagnosed with Placenta Previa. No big deal. Same thing happened with Blakely and it corrected itself by my 30 week appointment. I didn't think anything of it as a matter of fact! In case you don't know what placenta previa is, here is a picture example. I started out the one on the right........

www.babycenter.com

You see, that placenta, CANNOT be there if you want to have the baby vaginally. I was not worried because like I said earlier, it fixed itself with Blakely. I am now the middle picture. Better than the later, but still I am not in the clear. This means, if my placenta stays were it is put, I am c-section bound. My doctor seems to think that my uterus may continue to shift, but he was not entirely confident. He basically said I need to stay close to home and look for any signs of premature labor; any signs could land me in the hospital early.....Here is where the lack of control comes into play. You see, there is nothing you can do to prevent this condition.....nothing. I like being in control of things and I am happy when things are in order. I am not much of a worrier because as a believer I know HE is in control of all situation. I don't know if it is because I am a hormonal, pregnant female or this is just a natural reaction, but I am scared. There I said it. I am scared of a c-section. I am scared of pre-mature labor. I fear the unknown. I ask simply that each of you that love our family pray that this fear is lifted. I really, really hope that things with the ole' placenta change, but in case they don't I pray that the fear will subside. I am blessed with an amazing group of friends and our bible study couldn't have started on a better week. God has got us in his hands.

Barrett is healthy and measuring in at 2 1/2 lbs. He mostly cooperated during the ultrasound today and I think he is going to look just like his big brother!

                                                               They have the same little nose!!

Thank you guys for sharing this journey with us. I welcome any advice/feedback from those who might have been through a similar situation: Feel free to shoot me an email.  I know we serve a BIG and might God and he knows what is best. Enough of my rambling, I have a super cute puppy on my lap and a husband fixing me some cookie dough ice-cream. Life is good.